7. Earning Respect

Earning respect on the streets came easy with some kids, but for others it was a challenge. They all build up walls around them in order to protect themselves from getting hurt. Some of their walls are stronger and taller than others.
In general, the kids were extremely open to me. They have trouble trusting adults, so it helped that I was younger. I also get all my clothes at second-hand shops and I wear my shirts inside out most of the time, and have since the seventh grade. Funny enough, they also do it.
They thought that I just dressed like that to try and fit in until I told them that I had dressed like that years before I ever stepped foot in South Africa. Some of the kids call me the “white stroller” because of the way I dress.
All of these things contributed to making the kids more open to me but as I said, there were a few tough cases to crack.
One of those in particular was the kid I mentioned earlier named Hoppi. He was one of the first kids I met and when I told him I was moving back, he was excited. He asked me to get my mom to make cookies and then bring them back when I came back. So, when I came back that August of 2000, I brought some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that my mom had made just for him.
The first day I was back I went into town to give the cookies to Hoppi. He was happy to get the cookies and couldn’t believe I had actually brought some back with me. He was happy, and all was well, at least for that day.
At that point, I had not realized that he was one of the most manipulative kids in all of Cape Town. He had total control over a whole group of boys and I soon saw the power he had over those boys. Most of the boys I knew at that point were in his group.
A few days after that, Ronel and I were back in town and we saw Hoppi. He wanted me to give him money and I said no, so he threw a huge fit and got angry and even a little violent. I just went on and talked with some other kids. I learned soon after that that I could tell what kind of mood Hoppi was in just by the moods of the other boys in his group.
If I saw one of them before I saw him and they were in a good mood, I knew he would be too. If I saw one of them and they were in a bad mood, I knew he would be too. They were extremely influenced by him!
Hoppi tested me all the time. He was still not quite sure where I stood and what my motivations were for wanting to work with the kids. He would come up to me and be nice and then he would try his luck with getting money or something out of me. If I refused, he would get angry and even threatening at times.
Then one night on soup outreach, we had a donation of meat pies so we took them instead of soup. Well, let’s just say that things got out of hand quickly.
We went to Hoppi’s group and started giving out the pies. Kids started coming up and trying to get more than one and some succeeded. The kids that only got one started complaining that others had gotten more than one, and soon the complaining turned into a mini-riot.
Hoppi was one of the main instigators of the whole scene. They got all around the van and started shaking it and I finally had to load the group up and just leave. They were throwing things at the van, hanging on it, and shaking it as we were pulling away.
Before we pulled off, Hoppi came up to my window and said, “Next time I see you in Cape Town, I’m going to kill you!”
The next day I went into town with anticipation of what might happen. When I got to the area where Hoppi’s group strolls, I saw a few of the kids and they just ignored me. A few minutes later I saw Hoppi and he whispered something to another kid who disappeared off to the side and then Hoppi started coming towards me.
Right before he reached me, the kid he had whispered to appeared again and handed Hoppi a butcher knife that he hid under his shirt. Right as he turned to come up to me, one of the other kids ran past me and whispered, “Ryan, runaway! He’s going to stab you!!”
When Hoppi came up to me and started swearing, I said, “I don’t have time for this right now” and I turned my back to him and walked off. I hoped that my turning my back to him showed him that I wasn’t scared that he was going to literally have to stab me in the back, though I actually thought that he just might.
He was moody for a long time after that, which forced me to go out and form relationships with other kids that I had not yet gotten a chance to meet. It ended up being positive because I realized that if that had not happened, it would have taken me longer to move out into new areas. Eventually Hoppi came around a bit, but he was not through testing me yet.
Everything went smoothly for a while and he would at least carry on decent conversations with me when we would see each other. He would occasionally try his luck, but over all everything was okay. At least, until another soup night.
We had stopped and were serving soup to another group. We were having a great evening and the boys were in top spirits. The good vibes were soon shattered by a yell coming from down the street, “JY, RYAN!! Jou ma se poes!!” (“Ryan! Your mother’s pussy!!”).
All the kids and the DTS students looked down the street to see who was yelling. There he was, leading a group of about twelve boys, and they looked like they were on a mission. I still to this day do not know why he was angry with me that night.
As they approached, he picked up a glass bottle and broke it. That is pretty much like saying “It’s on!!”
He came straight up to me and started swearing at me and then he started waving the broken bottle in my face and saying he was going to stab me.

Everyone was anxious to see how I was going to handle this. From the DTS students to the kids, all eyes were on me. You could have heard a pin drop.
Now, I don’t know what jumped into me next, and I don’t know if I would do it again (though I have on a couple of other occasions), but I just started talking before I realized what I was saying.
I took a step closer to him and I said, “Go ahead and stab me, but you better make sure you knock me out or kill me on the first one!”
He tried to call my bluff and he took a step closer and acted as if he was going to stab me in the face and he said that he really was going to stab me. I felt the wind of the broken bottle breeze in front of my face but I didn’t flinch and said, “Well, go ahead then! What are you waiting for?! Why don’t you quit talking and do it?!”
He got more frustrated and tried to call my bluff one more time by reminding me that he really was going to stab me. I got closer to him and said, “DO IT!!!!”
He finally got frustrated and went off to the side and stabbed another kid in the head. I felt sorry for the poor kid that he decided to vent his frustrations on!
He came up to me later that evening and when he started talking junk, I just picked him up on my shoulder and started spinning him around, like a professional wrestler. I would set him back down and he would dizzily try and gain his balance and then he would start laughing.
He finally gave up his attempts at intimidating me and just came to me with a defeated smile on his face and said, “You’re alright!” and from then on we had a good relationship.
Sure, he would still try his luck here and there but when I said no, he knew I meant it and he wouldn’t push it too far. He was a tough case to crack, but I finally managed to win over his respect. Respect definitely didn’t come overnight.
With some of the kids it was incredibly easy. Hoppi gave me a challenge but I am actually thankful for it and learned a lot out of it!
I learned that you don’t always have to do things “by the books”. I learned that I was the one that was coming to these kids and they didn’t have to prove themselves to me, but I had to prove myself, and my intentions to them. I learned that there is a fine line between showing too much fear and being too cocky. And I learned that respect does not come easily.
Sometimes you just have to hang in there, stand strong and not back down.